I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
