Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
