took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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