I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
