FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
