Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
