It was confusing and full of hummus
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
