i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
