frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
