I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
