just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
