just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
