every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
