So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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