You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
