And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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