Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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