It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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