no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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