You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
