I didn't shave. On purpose
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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