I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
