so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
