I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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