thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
