nut hugger
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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