Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
