Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
