I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
