Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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