me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
