Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
