Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
