remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
