god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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