New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
