So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
