This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
