Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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