I CAN MOONWALK!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
