Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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