I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
