I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
