Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
