My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
