can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
May the power of my ass compel you!!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
