he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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