I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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