A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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