my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
