dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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