i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just made my gag reflex go away.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
