girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
