6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
